In a nutshell: #Sparkly Vampires #A zero expression female lead #Corny love story #A child born of a vampire / human union #Vampire/human/werewolf love triangle
It all begins with a, Once upon a time in a tiny town called forks a bored teenage girl is coming to live with her divorced father. She falls in love with a teenage boy at school who is later revealed to have super human strength and a strong attraction for the bored teenage girl.
Not only is the female lead (Kristen Stewart) very bored but she’s very boring as well. If that was to be the impression her character had to give, well she succeeded damn well at that.
The teenage boy begins displaying alarming characteristics and upon investigating, the girl finds out that he is none other than a vampire who is not just attracted to her, but also harbors thirst for her blood that is so strong that it is what draws him to her in the first place.
Oh and did I forget to mention that he’s like eons old.
Let’s get one thing straight, all the fans of this so called love story found the story-line romantic; i.e. girl falls in love with Vampire, he sucks her blood and all those kinky romantic fetishes fall together and blah blah blah but somehow completely eliminated the thought that in reality this vampire dude could be a pedophile!!
Edward Cullen is a perverted old fart people!!
I mean in our normal day to day lives, more than a 10 year age difference between the sexes is frowned upon. Then how can a relationship between a human teenager and an eon old rotting bag of bones be acceptable to our society? The answer to that question would be his extremely good golden boy looks.
I am a big fan of romantic comedies, chick flicks, romantic drams and tragedies as well. But how can something like this be deemed romantic? Was it his innate control to not take advantage of her (considering the way she looked and acted THAT couldn’t have been difficult to accomplish) or the fact that he had a really really swollen ego and an equally large hero complex to boot.
Her playing the damsel in distress seriously could have put dignified well groomed un-clumsy young ladies to shame. I mean how dumb can you be to run into trouble headlong? I’m surprised her vampire trait was a shield when it should have been a literal eruption of clinging vines. Because during most of the film she clung to the vampire like human waste to a blanket and still managed to walk into trouble, eyes wide shut.
No garlic, no crosses, no vampires being evil crap. Poor Dracula must be writhing in his nailed shut, wet with holy water coffin. All his hard work and reputation of terror and horror have been completely negated. At this point I’m not really sure if I feel anguish on account of Dracula or the implausibility of the script.
Cheese Monkeys 